周黎明 (Raymond Zhou's bilingual blog) 用中文写娱评，用英文写时评 » 日志 » 我的第一篇性专栏（英文）
我的第一篇性专栏（英文）
周黎明 发表于 2007-04-22 13:09:52
By Raymond Zhou
It has been scientifically proven that men are not as horny as they are believed to be. At least Chinese men.
That should come as a shock to some: "What? That's impossible! Where did the 1.3 billion people come from?"
That's the refrain I get abroad. But it cannot stand the test of logic. It doesn't take much to produce the teeming humanity. Theoretically, one dose of sperm can give birth to a quarter of the world's population.
I'm no sexpert, but I think I know why in spite of so many massage parlors and hair salons and shady entertainment venues in China, a whopping 30 percent of the men act coy in the bedroom or whatever room of convenience there is available. One word can explain it all.
No, it's not "Viagra" though it comes close. It's "panda".
There! I said it! Now, please give me the Nobel Prize for deciphering the Chinese mascot of lovey-dovey cuteness.
Everyone loves the panda. It's the highest valued export commodity per pound. It just sits around and chews on bamboos, something Yao Ming would kill for if he had the option. As an ambassador of Chinese friendliness, the panda rules supreme and conquers the whole world.
There's a catch: Pandas don't like to have sex. Out of 365 days in a year, they may mate on only three days. Even then they may get distracted or do not show any interest in their partners.
Chinese men are invariably discouraged from premarital sex, but as they get older and richer they catch the panda vibe, so to speak. Too much pressure from office. Too much hassle. Too busy acting like a panda, potbelly and all.
Therefore, I propose to change our national mascot from panda to rabbit. Let kids learn to be adorable. "Real men" should be quick and strong. As Mae West put it, "A hard man is good to find."
（原载《M-Style》杂志。注：这是幽默文章，大家不必当真。）
最新评论
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2007-04-22 18:36:44 匿名 121.71.*.*
终于能看到周先生写这样的文章了,期盼了好久啊,希望以后新作不断~
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2007-04-22 19:38:04 匿名 83.156.*.*
haha
这个专栏是会固定的吗？ -
2007-04-22 20:06:24 匿名 221.224.*.*
sexpert,学了新词,哈哈
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2007-04-23 11:27:07 匿名 219.142.*.*
您好，我是《经济日报》网站中国经济网(ce.cn)博客频道编辑黄畅达，恳请转载并推广周黎明先生的博客在中国经济网博客频道(blog.ce.cn)，我方可手动从您的博客粘贴复制到中国经济网博客，您也可在中国经济网自主更新(推荐)，可以自由选择。特此征得您的同意，望回复！
ps.我的博客：http://huangchangda.blog.ce.cn/
此致
敬礼
黄畅达
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中国经济网 互动部
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地址：北京宣武区白纸坊东街2号 -
2007-04-23 17:31:16 匿名 218.17.*.*
英文字母变大了很大，现在看文章时再也不用那么费眼了，谢谢
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2007-04-25 20:05:21 http://blog.ycool.com/?hostname=peterjinter2
Gee! I can feel your adrenalin bursting out of control after you see the word sex. Chill, this is not an ad for hookers nor a story from the playboy magazine. In practice, I just wanna bring it up to lay bare some raw and stark changes happening out there in China and myself on sex matters.
The city where I live, unlike the go-go and dashing SH, is a backwater place. But when it comes to anything related with the sex, people here show no signs of squirming and cringing, without saying hewing to it's conservative origins.
And you can get this impression just by rummaging through the local newspapers and their ad sections. "Wanna get a job that earns 1000 Yuan a day? Join us if you are a hot pants or a chic skirt" one ad screams boldly in one ad section. Another ad alongside of that raffish ad is no less blunt. "hot chicks waiting for you, what are you waiting for?" writes this ad, alluding that some of these chicks are college students.
Talk about the college students, it reminds me of the conversation I have had with a girl from a local college, who I lost contact since that fiery and heart-to-heart talk about, er, sex.
I forget who brought this sensitive subject, but it flowed out so naturally as we swerved from serious topics like my monthly wages, looks,and hobbies we were discussing, to the question of man's sexual habits.
"Is that true that males just wanna take away a girl's virginity without forging decent relationships with her? I mean, do males just want having sex than marriage?", she asked me flatly.
"Guess so", I said.
"Then what's your take on this? Is sex the center of your life? I think males are more passionate about the sex than females, and it's no exaggerated to say that male's brains are controlled by their dicks" added she.
Looking down and then looking up at the computer screen, I was both excited and flummoxed by her words.
" Guess so", I said, edging closer to the computer screen to expect more off-color words.
To my dismay, she stopped short.
Hoping to keep such exhilarating conversation going, I began blathering about all the aspects of sexual habits of a male, talking like a pimp until my words were cut off by her words.
"That's enough", she cried out loud, and then said, "You think you can hose and seduce a girl easily on-line" she quipped, "You are just another hypocrite I have met on-line"
Having said that, she logged off, leaving me sitting there like a brassy stature.
Realizing that I just put my foot in my mouth, I felt a little bit guilty until an ad popped up out of blue on my computer screen that says" Hottest clips of nude girls and girls taking a shower, along with obscene scenes of xxx and girls being xxx by macho guys." Come and get a load of by clicking here"
I,jazzed and thrilled by this slimy ad, clicked readily, thinking that I would have gotton a kick out of watching these xxx.
But my enthusiasm lasted not long after finding that I had to sign in and cough up some money before seeing those "mind-boggling stuff.
Well, she's right, I'm a hypocrite.
But who isn't? -
2007-06-05 16:38:38 匿名 221.224.*.*
Funny story. Well, at least you are honest. I guess that doesn't qualify you as a hypocrite.
